Short Short Stories by Gene Zimmerman

Author:Gene Zimmerman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Short stories, humor, historical fiction, crime, suspense
Publisher: Gene Zimmerman
Published: 2015-04-07T00:00:00+00:00

My Life as a No Work Specialist

Everyone in today's culture seems to be a technician or a specialist. The young kid that comes from the pest control company every quarter to keep my house free from bugs is a "Pest Control Technician.” When I worked part-time at The Apple Store selling iPhones and Macintosh Computers, my title was "Mac Specialist" rather than “Salesman." And just the other day, the business card of the helpful Home Depot employee in the department that carries windows and doors handed me her card that read "Millwork Specialist."

After reflecting on the above, I realized that for the last several years, I've been a "No Work Specialist.” You see, three years ago I officially retired from working for the same outfit for over thirty years. Now instead of simply marking "retired" for my occupation in the multiple choice boxes on various forms I complete from time to time, I have a new strategy. I mark the box labeled "other" and then fill in the blank next to it with my current occupation, a "No Work Specialist."

"That must be an easy occupation," you may be saying as you read this. Really it's not. First, I have to get up every weekday morning early enough to catch the rush hour traffic report on TV. Seeing the traffic snarls that those poor commuters are having to face puts me in the proper frame of mind to begin my day! Smiling as I remember that I no longer have to be on the roads during morning – or evening – rush hour, I pick up my morning paper, and with coffee cup in hand, I walk outside to the back patio, where I watch the flora and fauna of God's great outdoors, rather than facing the four austere walls of an office.

It was while sitting on the back patio one morning last fall that I received the inspiration for my prize-winning book, "The Secret Life of the Gecko." (In keeping with the rules of full disclosure, the book is not yet prize-winning. Nor is it yet published. But I've just finished the first draft and my writer's group has assured me it will be a best seller.) I noticed a little green gecko staring at me from his perch on the siding near the back door and wondered if he (or she?) was the same one I saw the prior day on the front study window. And if it wasn't the same lizard, how many of them are there on my property? If there are more than one, why is it I never see two at once? Then there was the obvious question about what they do all day. If all they do is just sneak around and eat bugs, why are they always hanging around my front or back door, or staring in my study window? Are they observing the human species, trying to understand what we're all about? Are they philosophers? Or reptile scientists? Or just voyeurs?

Contemplating all those important questions, I started spending hours each day observing these little green creatures.

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